What I Talk About When I Talk About Leaving

(Source : weheartit)

When I say I miss LB and especially when I say I want to leave home and live by myself, I am not necessarily saying that I miss LB and that I do not want to live at home.

It's me saying that i'm not sure if this is where I want to be right now. It's me saying that my heart is aching for what it is sure is out there for me.

I'm saying that i'm already 24 and the last thing I need is to be safe and happy right in the comforts of my home. I'm saying that I need to be out there grinding and toughing it out like people with big dreams do.

I am saying that I want to make decisions for myself without having to be bound by the guilt of having parents and family being responsible for my mistakes and being hurt because they are thinking about what's best for me. I am saying that I want to have the freedom to do things at my own time and my own way without having to tiptoe around other people's feelings and without having to let them do the same.

I'm saying that I want to give myself the chance to work hard for something, to sweat it out, to fuck up if that's the only way to grow and learn. I'm saying that I want to see how far I can stretch myself without having to worry or freak out the people who care for me.

I'm saying that I want to live out my own beliefs without having to make others feel that I am disregarding theirs. I am saying that I want to spend a big chunk of myself and my time on things that I love and that matter to me - things and people other than my family or friends - without making them feel neglected.

I'm saying that I want to run away from everything that I am right now, from everything that I know because I am hoping that somewhere along the way I will find that this girl who's so bent on running away has now found all of the reasons to stay.