What the fuck is wrong with me?

The past two days have been bad. So awful that I actually said i'd rather die than continue living like this. I'd rather die. Wow. I'm someone who believes in not uttering those words carelessly because there are far too many people out there who suffer and who are determined to live through it day in and day out.  So yeah, for me to have said that was the exclamation point to how low i've been feeling lately.

But then another thing about me is that I can't seem to give up. I swear it frustrates me how relentless I could get no matter how shitty I feel to the point that everything in me is already telling me to quit. Somehow there will always be that tiniest of voices inside my head telling me that "yeah right, you know you'll be back at it again tomorrow."

Shit. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Exactly what i've been asking myself today. And I think what's wrong with me is this: I've lived through shit and hell before. As simple as that.

Maybe a screw or two got unhinged along the way, but here is another thing I know about me, that at the end of the day I will choose to keep on living. I owe it to myself. I owe it to that girl who fought through a messy heartbreak and also to that girl who believed and kept on with life even though she could hardly move and had no life to speak of for a month. I owe it to them to live through each day and to give it my best.