Here's to Better Bolder Badder

I've been stumped for three months now, trying to figure out what it is I really want to write about. See, while ranting about my normal day can get me by from time to time, there are just days when it feels pointless and even a chore that I have to be done with. Which isn't exactly how I envisioned blogging to be and so I gave myself a break - from trying too hard and from giving too little. 

In that moment of quiet, two striking realizations came to mind.

One is that i'm afraid writing will escape me. The idea of not being able to capture thoughts, moments, and even a bit of life itself into strings of words has left me frustrated a couple of times already. The silence of these pages haunt me at night , in fact; the empty pages a reflection of the void I feel over not being ale to contribute something. 

Which is why, if there's anything I want more right now, it is to grow; to master the written word to such an extent that it becomes a formidable weapon against the hearts of stone of the apathetic or a soothing balm to the pains unspoken, but which we all share.

Second is that i'm afraid of what will be created on these pages and from these pages; and it's a fear that is sadly at the cost of authenticity. You see I don't think I can ever write with authenticity - and therefore be unable to write what I really want to - until I know that the people who matter to me can live with the dirt and the demons.

This sentiment has not  been said more succinctly than in the words of Miguel Syjuco in his novel Ilustrado, 

"...the people who love you will only see their deficiencies in your work. That's the strength of good writing and the weakness of the human ego. Love and honesty don't mix. To be an honest writer, you have to be away from home, and totally alone in life."

Fortunately for me though, 24 years of a not so bump free ride through life have made me no stranger to fear. So it is with the same spirit that I take on this latest challenge - the road to better, bolder, badder.